Gary Lonesborough, I’m Not Really Here, Allen and Unwin, September 2024, 375 pp., RRP $19.99 (pbk), ISBN 9781761180767
17 year-old Jonah, his father and Jonah’s younger twin brothers have had to move back to his father’s home town after the death of Jonah’s mother. Jonah is struggling to adjust, consumed with grief and guilt about his mother’s death, missing his best (only) friend from his former school, wanting to fit in at the new school, coping with helping his father with the twins and making new friends. He finds himself part of an extended Aboriginal family, something he has not had before.
Loneliness has been a part of Jonah’s life and he does not want that to continue in his new school. To try to fit in, he tells his father (and some of the boys at school) that he wants to play rugby. He has not played since he was in primary school so this proves to be something of a challenge, but he persists. He is also called a budding writer by his father, although creative writing is also not something he has done since primary school.
Gradually Jonah makes two sets of friends – some with the rugby boys, and some with a group of friends who welcome him but warn him friendship is their number one priority. When Jonah makes a choice that they consider the wrong one, he comes to realise the value of their friendship and understands he must apologise and make amends. He also recognises that some in the rugby group do not actually want him as a friend and their apparent friendliness is superficial and self-centred. In contrast, Jonah is portrayed throughout as a kind, caring and loving boy.
Lonesborough dedicates the book, in part, to ‘all First Nations LGBTQIA+ teens who need someone to tell them it’s ok to be queer’. Jonah is a gay Indigenous boy and the book is, in many ways, a celebration of that. His attempts to get fit and have a different body image (he feels he’s too fat) are part of joining the rugby team but also to look more attractive (he thinks). He has a crush on Harley, a member of the team and the son of an old friend of his father. His attempts to tell Harley how much he really likes him are frequently thwarted, but he is also a kind of mentor for Harley who is able to, after talking to Jonah, tell his mother that he is bisexual. But Harley is not quite ready to come out publicly and Jonah is hurt that their relationship is kept secret until the truth is revealed in an unexpected way. There are one or two fairly explicit sexual references, but these are not in any way gratuitous.
Lonesborough also includes other issues that are of concern to teenagers, weaving them into the story in a meaningful way. Students at the school have a toxic and vicious Facebook account that spreads (and makes up) gossip about students. This is often devastating for the ones on the receiving end, one of who is Tegan, a friend of Jonah’s. The Facebook page perpetuates stereotypes and prejudices as well as double standards and expectations about girls’ and boys’ sexuality.
All Loneborough’s characters are strongly drawn, and the interplay of teenage rivalry and school groups is convincing. Jonah’s interaction with a counsellor that finally allows him to express his grief is moving. Although Lonesborough writes to reassure First Nations young people that it is ok to be queer, the book also shows readers the importance of tolerance and acceptance of others and the damage that can be caused when these are not practiced.
Reviewed by Margot Hillel
